CDD DAY 5 Point of No Return/Fantasy
Readers, I have decided to do two different posts in one today. Two things that have been on my mind for a while.
I have dreamed about this day for so long, similar to when I joined the military. You plan, join, and get ready to leave for boot. Soon after getting there you realized there is no going back. Not because you are running from where you were, but because of where you are going. You know its going to hurt (A LOT) and be the MOST challenging experience of your life but somehow you can’t help but move forward because the pain endured is nothing compared to going back. That is how I feel now. My HoH has changed considerably in the last few days. I think he’s as surprised as me, but I have to say I love the new him. I love the attentiveness, the closeness, and yes even the discipline. I love how he holds himself to a higher standard because he holds me to one at all. Most of all I love how loved I feel. I know he will protect me at all costs, even from myself. Sometimes I am my own worst enemy. I get in my own way and I often put myself last on the list if at all. So its nice, actually wonderful to have someone that loves me so much that he will spank me good to make sure I don’t lose sight of what’s important.
So as I was saying, I think we have reached that point. I don’t know where we will end up but I am glad we are moving forward. Although this lifestyle is consensual I didn’t want an easy out. When I wrote our contract I wrote that we will be committed to this as we are to our own marriage, so to me to stop would be divorce.
Five days after we started this journey (for real this time) we can see the results already. Although I am not perfect, not even close, I am having real moments of submission.
Mandy AKA Brat Princess
When HoH and I first met and courted we tried BDSM. I wanted to be owned. To be a pet that was used for sexual pleasure mostly and was the property of another person. Everything would be dictated to me from what to wear, how to speak, when to speak, how to obey without question, etc. After the primary training sessions of course, sounds like the military huh? Gee I wonder why I joined. We tried this on a regular basis but DHoH decided he didn’t want a robot but a wife with thoughts and ideas of her own.
So I abandoned the idea cursed to live a vanilla existence forever *sigh*. After a couple years of marriage that crept into my bones again and I started looking googling BDSM and the bible to see if it was ok. I found domestic discipline and realized what I really wanted was a strong man to control me to an extent like you control a fire. Not allowing the light to go out without letting it burn up everything around it. I was like that flame, fiery temper, and the ability to consume anyone around me if not carefully and thoughtfully restricted. Even though we are growing in this arrangement and are reaching new heights, part of me misses the fantasy. The sex slave and her master, the naughty school girl and her principal, etc. I really miss playing around a little and seeing where it takes us, even if only for one night.
Now while I believe that wifely submission is biblical and that my husband is the authority in the home and has the means to back up that authority with real discipline, part of me wants to be spanked for fun. Why can’t we have both? I won’t pretend that I don’t get a little moist after a spanking mainly because it’s a HUGE turn-on to see him take charge. I want more, something like this.
I get called into his office because I was mean to my teacher and haven’t been getting to school on time. I am dressed like a schoolgirl; complete with pig tails (which turn him on for some reason) and knee high socks. He scolds me, spanks me, and then makes love to me.
Is that really so wrong? Does it always have to be discipline? I know he likes to separate true discipline and sex but what about pretend discipline?
MANDY THE BRAT PRINCESS