What does it mean to be a Submissive Wife?

I know a lot of feminist activists are going to want to lynch me when I say this but that movement killed femininity. The biggest lie we were ever told as women are the same as men, in the eyes of God we are equal heirs but we are not the same by any stretch of the imagination.

Ok I get it for thousands of years women were the property of men, we were their footstools and little more than baby making machines in the past, but there is a happy medium. We can be feminine, submissive and still maintain self respect and the ability to affect the world around us.

So a lot of people who know me don't live the lifestyle I do: where husband is head of the household instead of a brow beaten shell of a man like current trends would prefer him to be, ask me why? Why would you want to undo years of freedom in order to be a servant to your man and his desires? First of all that is far from true. I am no ones servant, except the Lord of course. I do not sit and pine for him to return and when he does greet him with slippers in one hand and beer in another like some outdated 50's sitcom (no offense to those that do), I have not had to give up my desires and dreams, I am just 2nd in command. I realized a long time ago that a ship can not sail with two captains, a car can not be driven by two people. What if they can't agree which way to go, they can't both be steering because the vehicle would crash and so have many marriages. I didn't want my marriage to be one of them.

Submission isn't about who can one up the other, or a husband having his wife at his beck and call. Its a gift a wife gives her husband on the condition that he always puts her needs ahead of his own and he loves her more than he loves himself. I can also argue that I don't have a choice but we always do. I could choose to serve God and obey his word or I can disobey God and my husband in one shot. God has decreed that husbands are to be the heads of their wives as Christ is the head of the church and we are to obey them in all things. God is at the top of my Chain of Command my husband is an under shepherd just over me. Another reason why I agree with my submission is that my husband will be judged not only for his sins but the sins and the condition of his HOUSEHOLD that God placed him in authority over. How is that fair if he also did not have the means to keep order and peace in his household.

Submission comes from the heart, you can submit your body but if your heart, soul, and mind don't follow you won't progress. One of the most profound moments in my life was when I realized our marriage is an example of what God wanted and if I needed to be spanked in order to maintain proper submission then that is what my husband would do without hesitation. I fell in love with him all over again.

God Bless

Mandy

BDSM Vs. CDD

At first glance CDD seems like an acceptable form of BDSM, but there are many differences. Before I talk any further please understand if you are involved in one or both I am not condoning or condemning the practice of BDSM, and those who have played in that arena, your way may be different but I am telling it as I remember from my younger years with my ex husband. The way I see it may not be the way it is, just as in CDD it is different for everyone.

First of all neither are to be forced on to another person, and can only be enjoyed within a safe environment. Having said that I will continue.

I hate bondage part so I will move on to the part I was addicted too and like any addict a taste is enough to make me fall off the wagon so I have to keep my distance, because that is a hard habit to break. I was referring to two parts Dominance/Submission and Sadomaschism.

To begin a little background, I was a 24.7 slave to my husband and I was his footstool. The slave (or sub) is the lowest on the totem pole and is made to do things simply for the sexual pleasure of the master. Punishments are doled out and while they can be severe they are for silly things or for no reason at all. Also these sessions are play, those involved usually have a safe word but it is all for one reason alone to spice up sex.

CDD on the other hand is about a relationship. I hierarchy and meeting of the minds and I am afraid that too many people sometimes focus too hard on the "spanking" part of the relationship. Like my HOH says it is a tool like many as his disposal. When I have earned a punishment from my husband there is no safeword. Its not for fun, or to spice up our love life. It happens for one reason alone: deter me from doing whatever it was that got me over his knee in the first place.
Now I won't lie, there is a certain tingling in those private areas whenever my man asserts his authority and means it, but that is not why I am OTK so to speak.

this is part one of a two part story. Check back soon for updates.

Why "Becoming His Mandy"

My name is Amanda. I like Amanda I think it a strong not too overtly girly name. However Mandy is my alter ego to speak. Cute, incredibly feminine and FUN! Amanda is business minded and doesn't stop to smell the roses often sees everyone as out to get her. Mandy (as I was ONLY called in school and by my immediate family) reminds me of my innocent time, when I was happy and free. I miss that girl and I want her to come back. Mandy wasn't afraid of ANYTHING. Now days I have 1000000+ fears, and while some are legitimate, some are debilitating. Mandy also had an unwavering devotion to everyone outside of her, friends, neighbors, loved ones alike because she walked with God. She talked to God and had faith no one could shake. Ok now do I sound like two people? That's not my intention. Living in the past is not productive and in my current state neither am I but I can only hope that I can regain that spirit and merge the two personalities to become all God, my husband and kids, and everyone else NEED me to be.

Problem is I don't even know who I am anymore and defining myself as the world sees me is not exactly right and I don't know what God sees so I look to my husband and say how do I feel like that again?
The second thing is that I HATE the name Mandy (at least I do now) and it is apart of me. It is what my mother named me and I really want to LOVE all of me. So because my husband likes this name I am learning to love it. I am learning to love all of me. Why wouldn't I? I have a wonderful husband that loves every part of me because I'm ME! Not because I am the prettiest, smartest, sweetest, etc., but because I am all those things TO HIM. This is the part that I have a hard time accepting and this process that we have embarked on together have helped me to understand that I am not seeing myself in the right light. I need to look at myself through his eyes (God's too), but his point of view is easier to see because I look into every day. When he stares at me getting undressed or watches me when he thinks I don't know he's watching he shows me what love truly is. His desire feeds mine to please him to be His Mandy for only him.

So that is why I named this blog "becoming his Mandy" because I am putting myself in a place I really don't like to be {figuratively and literally} and "going there". The main reason is that I can trust him explicitly and since he has been burdened with my growth at his hand I owe him at least that much. I don't think of this as being owned, but my first solid step at submission. I know there will be many more but every journey begins with a step.

I hope that this journey takes us to places we can not even imagine and to new hieghts of love and admiration that I could never dream. After all isn't that what marriage is all about.

His Mandy AKA MJ

Second Nature

I don't know exactly what to write here but I am supposed to write in a journal so I chose this.
I thought submission would be SO easy for me, but it turns out it is harder than I thought. i don't understand
why I can't submit in my heart. I was clearly on the road there but after his mom visited I just saw him in another light and I can't get myself to "unsee" it. I keep thinking that we should do something to reinforce our roles. I thought stupidly I know that you decide you want accountability and you decide you want to obey God and magically you just obey and submit. Apparently change doesn't come as easily as I thought. How do I create a habit a reaction as real as the air I breathe? I know with God all things are possible but I also know Rome wasn't built in a day so what do I do?

I am reminded of my time in the Navy. Boot camp wasn't just a way to torture the newbies in the fleet but a way to effectively indoctrinate them into a very different lifestyle. The military had their own rules, regulations, dress code, and even their own language. Every mannerism every word was carefully calibrated and executed in the most efficient way possible. I also remember my first few days there. I thought I had walked into another country. The customs and courtesies were all different and how I addressed my elders was suddenly thrown for a loop. i also remember no matter what was thrown at me night or day I handled it well. I persevered because despite all those rules, regulations, etc. that were in front of me. After about 3 weeks of doing the same thing day in day out to reinforce the role I took on as well as the role my RDC had, everything was second nature. Literally all the 100s of things I had to do on a daily basis from making my rack to reporting whenever I saw an officer, to challenging on watch all was like a second skin that I wore and it become instinct. It was no longer think and then act it was just react as I have been trained. I LOVED IT!

Now I am once again thrown into a world I do not know, but I want to. Problem is there is no guide, no RDC, no officer to set up that regiment to instill that habit in me. I want to submit but have no one to submit to. There should be a time in CDD that a habit is formed, that you do tasks over and over and over until they are second nature. Where you do NOT question orders and you truly trust that those in authority have your best interests at heart no matter what they ask of you. That they ask of you things that might seem silly or uneeded but it is an order you must follow because "they said so". After a month or so these mundane tasks would become habit and soon questioning an order or final word would be unheard of. It would feel unnatural. If I came up with a boot camp for myself I would set a time for wake up no exceptions no matter what and then have a schedule of what needed to be carried out during the day. Soon all this would be second nature and of course if I falter I am reprimanded, but I need that strong leader. I just don't know how to ask him. I want submission to be like when I was military, not a thought but an action. I want to submit with my mind, heart, body, and soul. I have learned though that you can't be beaten into submission you have to be guided there. Maybe my HOH will seek to be my guide and teach me how to submit to him.

I want submission to be second nature.

All God's Love,

MJ