Things have been interrupted in the middle again and its irritating me. Not really HOH's fault or mine but life got in the way. I have to say though that I feel firmly planted in my role and that he is in his. So this week will end Boot camp. Although he will reserve the right to institute it at anytime again. A whole lot is not really going to change. I will still be punished (with or without reason) and I will still be answering to him. I am ok with that. In fact I rejoice in that. I want him to continue to push me and help me to grow in ways I can't imagine. So ends this part of the journey, but the larger picture goes on.
I have racked up quite a bit of punishment and HOH has not been able to deal with me properly. the stress of success has caused me to slip in my obedience and respect and will very soon atoning for my sins. Hoh is firm but fair and I appreciate that.
I will continue to be punished everyday until my sentence is complete and though kids and life have gotten in the way> we will be revisiting boot camp weekends soon I am sure.
I am so proud of HOH, he has really come into his own and embraced his role in all this and helped me to understand mine. He IS the head of the house, its not a question or a maybe but a fACT. I will not deny or challenge that. Hold on tight readers I am SURE I will be having a hard last days. Especially when I have been neglecting my duties for computer time.
God Bless
Mandy
11 November 2009
03 November 2009
New Item in My Wardrobe
My HOH mentioned that he wanted me to have something like the black garter
because he can never remember when I have earned discipline. He decided a
choker was perfect.
I made the choker. Whenever I have been bad (not for maintenance or discretionary discipline) and earned a punishment I have to wear it and write in my naughty book what I did (it actually says naughty). I f you want to know where I got it just let me
know. The choker. Its very pretty and has a cross, but it reminds him that I need to be punished for my actions. Only he can take it off and only aftermy punishment has been carried out. He will also carry it in his pocket toremind me to be good or it will go on. its really noticeable and probablywill be complimented from time to time but that brings me shame because I know the real reason I am wearing it. It serves two fold. I also made a pretty white one to wear just because. It has inspiration rings that say wife/mother with his initial. It is really working as a visual reminder when
I am in trouble and he thinks I look great in chokers which it why he chose that. If you are interested in having one made for you, just let me know. I am working on setting up an Etsy store just for the chokers. Many saying available in sterling or plated silver.
God Bless,
Mandy
30 October 2009
CDD BOOT CAMP DAY 5 "POINT OF NO RETURN/FANTASY"
CDD DAY 5 Point of No Return/Fantasy
Readers, I have decided to do two different posts in one today. Two things that have been on my mind for a while.
I have dreamed about this day for so long, similar to when I joined the military. You plan, join, and get ready to leave for boot. Soon after getting there you realized there is no going back. Not because you are running from where you were, but because of where you are going. You know its going to hurt (A LOT) and be the MOST challenging experience of your life but somehow you can’t help but move forward because the pain endured is nothing compared to going back. That is how I feel now. My HoH has changed considerably in the last few days. I think he’s as surprised as me, but I have to say I love the new him. I love the attentiveness, the closeness, and yes even the discipline. I love how he holds himself to a higher standard because he holds me to one at all. Most of all I love how loved I feel. I know he will protect me at all costs, even from myself. Sometimes I am my own worst enemy. I get in my own way and I often put myself last on the list if at all. So its nice, actually wonderful to have someone that loves me so much that he will spank me good to make sure I don’t lose sight of what’s important.
So as I was saying, I think we have reached that point. I don’t know where we will end up but I am glad we are moving forward. Although this lifestyle is consensual I didn’t want an easy out. When I wrote our contract I wrote that we will be committed to this as we are to our own marriage, so to me to stop would be divorce.
Five days after we started this journey (for real this time) we can see the results already. Although I am not perfect, not even close, I am having real moments of submission.
God Bless,
Mandy AKA Brat Princess
Fantasy
When HoH and I first met and courted we tried BDSM. I wanted to be owned. To be a pet that was used for sexual pleasure mostly and was the property of another person. Everything would be dictated to me from what to wear, how to speak, when to speak, how to obey without question, etc. After the primary training sessions of course, sounds like the military huh? Gee I wonder why I joined. We tried this on a regular basis but DHoH decided he didn’t want a robot but a wife with thoughts and ideas of her own.
So I abandoned the idea cursed to live a vanilla existence forever *sigh*. After a couple years of marriage that crept into my bones again and I started looking googling BDSM and the bible to see if it was ok. I found domestic discipline and realized what I really wanted was a strong man to control me to an extent like you control a fire. Not allowing the light to go out without letting it burn up everything around it. I was like that flame, fiery temper, and the ability to consume anyone around me if not carefully and thoughtfully restricted. Even though we are growing in this arrangement and are reaching new heights, part of me misses the fantasy. The sex slave and her master, the naughty school girl and her principal, etc. I really miss playing around a little and seeing where it takes us, even if only for one night.
Now while I believe that wifely submission is biblical and that my husband is the authority in the home and has the means to back up that authority with real discipline, part of me wants to be spanked for fun. Why can’t we have both? I won’t pretend that I don’t get a little moist after a spanking mainly because it’s a HUGE turn-on to see him take charge. I want more, something like this.
I get called into his office because I was mean to my teacher and haven’t been getting to school on time. I am dressed like a schoolgirl; complete with pig tails (which turn him on for some reason) and knee high socks. He scolds me, spanks me, and then makes love to me.
Is that really so wrong? Does it always have to be discipline? I know he likes to separate true discipline and sex but what about pretend discipline?
GOD BLESS,
MANDY THE BRAT PRINCESS
Readers, I have decided to do two different posts in one today. Two things that have been on my mind for a while.
I have dreamed about this day for so long, similar to when I joined the military. You plan, join, and get ready to leave for boot. Soon after getting there you realized there is no going back. Not because you are running from where you were, but because of where you are going. You know its going to hurt (A LOT) and be the MOST challenging experience of your life but somehow you can’t help but move forward because the pain endured is nothing compared to going back. That is how I feel now. My HoH has changed considerably in the last few days. I think he’s as surprised as me, but I have to say I love the new him. I love the attentiveness, the closeness, and yes even the discipline. I love how he holds himself to a higher standard because he holds me to one at all. Most of all I love how loved I feel. I know he will protect me at all costs, even from myself. Sometimes I am my own worst enemy. I get in my own way and I often put myself last on the list if at all. So its nice, actually wonderful to have someone that loves me so much that he will spank me good to make sure I don’t lose sight of what’s important.
So as I was saying, I think we have reached that point. I don’t know where we will end up but I am glad we are moving forward. Although this lifestyle is consensual I didn’t want an easy out. When I wrote our contract I wrote that we will be committed to this as we are to our own marriage, so to me to stop would be divorce.
Five days after we started this journey (for real this time) we can see the results already. Although I am not perfect, not even close, I am having real moments of submission.
God Bless,
Mandy AKA Brat Princess
Fantasy
When HoH and I first met and courted we tried BDSM. I wanted to be owned. To be a pet that was used for sexual pleasure mostly and was the property of another person. Everything would be dictated to me from what to wear, how to speak, when to speak, how to obey without question, etc. After the primary training sessions of course, sounds like the military huh? Gee I wonder why I joined. We tried this on a regular basis but DHoH decided he didn’t want a robot but a wife with thoughts and ideas of her own.
So I abandoned the idea cursed to live a vanilla existence forever *sigh*. After a couple years of marriage that crept into my bones again and I started looking googling BDSM and the bible to see if it was ok. I found domestic discipline and realized what I really wanted was a strong man to control me to an extent like you control a fire. Not allowing the light to go out without letting it burn up everything around it. I was like that flame, fiery temper, and the ability to consume anyone around me if not carefully and thoughtfully restricted. Even though we are growing in this arrangement and are reaching new heights, part of me misses the fantasy. The sex slave and her master, the naughty school girl and her principal, etc. I really miss playing around a little and seeing where it takes us, even if only for one night.
Now while I believe that wifely submission is biblical and that my husband is the authority in the home and has the means to back up that authority with real discipline, part of me wants to be spanked for fun. Why can’t we have both? I won’t pretend that I don’t get a little moist after a spanking mainly because it’s a HUGE turn-on to see him take charge. I want more, something like this.
I get called into his office because I was mean to my teacher and haven’t been getting to school on time. I am dressed like a schoolgirl; complete with pig tails (which turn him on for some reason) and knee high socks. He scolds me, spanks me, and then makes love to me.
Is that really so wrong? Does it always have to be discipline? I know he likes to separate true discipline and sex but what about pretend discipline?
GOD BLESS,
MANDY THE BRAT PRINCESS
CDD BOOT CAMP DAY 4 No is a Four Letter Word
I am doing two posts back to back because I am a little behind, and I have neglected my blog a little I am really sorry for that.
CDD Boot camp Day 4 NO is a Four Letter word
I don’t mean literally obviously but I have been informed I am not allowed to say NO! Meaning not to an order. I can answer no, Sir but I can’t just blurt out no without reason.
If I have an objection, then I need to respectfully say so. I have to say having this restriction on my speech is a little to get used to but it is also helping me to realize that he is in charge. He is the authority that I must obey. Not just because I ultimately want to but also because My Lord wants me to. I am called to obey my husband in all things as the bible plainly says on many occasions.
Ephesians 5:22-24, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord, For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body, Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."
"Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement." -1st Peter 3:6
Furthermore I really don’t want to say no, I want him to challenge me more. I want him to take my submission to a new level and have me do things I wouldn’t want to but that will help me grow. I hate to say sometimes I only say no because I want to challenge him and help him grow…:P
I want to see what he will do, if he will follow through. However I hit a point that I don’t want to challenge him anymore. I just want to follow. There is still resistance in me, in my heart that says. “If you submit fully he will stop”. I am still afraid if I don’t resist he won’t “bring down the hammer” so to speak. Whenever I am cooperative in my punishments I end up feeling NOT spanked enough and resentful and the weird thing is that is even if I wasn’t resentful to begin with. So how do I get the spanking I really want and NEED and still obey him? That’s what has me bratting. That notion that sometimes I need a good, long, hard spanking and the ONLY way I can get it is to be bad. So I guess this new rule isn’t so bad, because it will take me a while to get the hang of it and in the mean time I won’t be short of the spankings I need.
GOD BLESS
MANDY THE BRAT PRINCESS
CDD Boot camp Day 4 NO is a Four Letter word
I don’t mean literally obviously but I have been informed I am not allowed to say NO! Meaning not to an order. I can answer no, Sir but I can’t just blurt out no without reason.
If I have an objection, then I need to respectfully say so. I have to say having this restriction on my speech is a little to get used to but it is also helping me to realize that he is in charge. He is the authority that I must obey. Not just because I ultimately want to but also because My Lord wants me to. I am called to obey my husband in all things as the bible plainly says on many occasions.
Ephesians 5:22-24, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord, For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body, Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."
"Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement." -1st Peter 3:6
Furthermore I really don’t want to say no, I want him to challenge me more. I want him to take my submission to a new level and have me do things I wouldn’t want to but that will help me grow. I hate to say sometimes I only say no because I want to challenge him and help him grow…:P
I want to see what he will do, if he will follow through. However I hit a point that I don’t want to challenge him anymore. I just want to follow. There is still resistance in me, in my heart that says. “If you submit fully he will stop”. I am still afraid if I don’t resist he won’t “bring down the hammer” so to speak. Whenever I am cooperative in my punishments I end up feeling NOT spanked enough and resentful and the weird thing is that is even if I wasn’t resentful to begin with. So how do I get the spanking I really want and NEED and still obey him? That’s what has me bratting. That notion that sometimes I need a good, long, hard spanking and the ONLY way I can get it is to be bad. So I guess this new rule isn’t so bad, because it will take me a while to get the hang of it and in the mean time I won’t be short of the spankings I need.
GOD BLESS
MANDY THE BRAT PRINCESS
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